A wee bit overdue..

It has been too long, my friends.  Too long.

Firstly, my apologies. I've been hung up on what to write after these last 2 sessions.  I'm on an every two week schedule now, and these last 2 have been less Topic-Oriented and more conversation-based. 

Second, I've been trying to figure out how to put what's been going on in my head onto paper, or even into conversation.

You see, something that's very important about these sessions (any sessions) is that honesty is key.  Honesty with yourself, with your therapist, with your inner circle.  And all three of those need to be in place.

And here's where I've failed.

If there is one person that I'm excellent at hiding the truth from, it's myself.  There are days I can convince myself that everything is okay.  There are days where I can convince myself I'm fine.

I'm not always fine.  And that's okay.  It actually is.  The problem is that I have to be honest with myself about why things aren't fine.  And then handle it appropriately.

Back to my old favorite:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

I also haven't been 100% honest with my therapist either.  I haven't lied.  Well, by omission perhaps. I haven't told her everything that is "wrong" and after leaving the last session feeling empty still, I think it's time.

The Japanese say you have three faces. The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends, and your family. The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.

I've been pondering that a lot lately.  I think there's only one face though, covered by many masks. Everyone has layers, lots and lots of layers.  And those that are allowed in to your circle have pealed away more than those on the outside.  And those few that you have let all the way in, are still held at bay by a layer of mask (s).  Very rarely, you let someone in further than any other.  And that singular person is usually responsible for the number of masks you wear.  They have the ability to strip them away, or to cause you to add more. 

I think I'm going to have a lot to talk about next time.

~Saisri