The dog ate my homework?

Time for another session of Help Me Help Me :)

In my rush this morning to get ready for work and head out the door, I forgot to grab my homework folder for my session. Today's session was supposed to be about Assertiveness. That'll be next time!

OOOPS!  (She says she forgives me :P )

Instead, we talked about a variety of things.  Things going on in my life, my kids, work, growing up..

She's pretty fascinated by my crazy home-life growing up.  I would be, too, if I was on the outside looking in!  But I get to be the one telling all the stories.

By now, this is what, my 5th session?  My doctor is getting very easy to talk to.  Granted, I haven't shared all my deepest, darkest secrets, but she hasn't asked me either.  Ask, and you shall receive..  If you don't... well, I don't have to offer, right?


At some point, I'm going to have to share all the rest of what is going on in my head with her.  Not that there is truly anything dark or whatever.  I'm not by any stretch of the word suicidal or anything like that.  I love life and my kids and find pleasure in a lot of things. 

I have trouble dealing with some specific issues.  These issues have grown into my Demon.  He's not an awful demon.. He doesn't really know any better.  He needs to learn some rules and manners and how to behave.  (Kudos to whoever can draw me a cute inner-demon).   My demon likes to pop up only once in a while, in some pretty specific situations. 

I'm also learning more and more something I think I already knew way deep down.  It isn't so much that I have a lot of issues..  I keep allowing myself to be put in situations where I risk running into my demon.

Boundaries and Assertiveness

Today's session was about personal boundaries.  My homework was to write things down that I considered boundaries and then answer some questions.

I actually found it really hard to write down what I considered boundaries..

• I don't like when strangers cuss around my kids
• I don't like when people lie to me
• I don't like it when a person feels the need to always place blame when there is none
• I don't like it when people are rude to be rude

In answering the questions, I respect other people's boundaries just fine, if not too well.  I usually hold my opinion or perspective or advice til its asked for, unless I know it would be well received.  Aside from being painfully shy around people I don't know, I don't have issues in social situations with boundaries (that was a question).


But all of this self-discovery led to this week's topic:  Assertiveness.

The trick to being assertive is to be neither Aggressive nor Passive-Aggressive.  To not be afraid to say what you think, what you want.. without being pushy, and without being passive.  To not agree with things when you don't want to.  To not go along with something, when you don't want to..

Assertiveness for me is something I can turn on and off like a switch.  Those of you who know me, know I an be assertive.  I can make myself be heard just like anyone else.  I can be happy and outgoing and all the rest..

But those of you who know me very well, know that I'm not always that person.  I put up with a lot that I shouldn't.  I keep quiet when I should speak up, and I avoid confrontation.  I am the peacekeeper. The calm one.  The passionate one when it comes to others and standing up for what's right, but not always so good at doing the same for myself.

My homework is to go through some of the people in my life, determine which ones I am non-assertive with, and rank how badly the problem is with them, 1-5.   I then have to do the same with non-aggressive behaviors. 

I have a feeling this homework might be a little difficult.

Values and Stand up?

Today's session was all about Values.  My homework for today was to choose 8 values that were important to me.  I selected mine from a list she had. We then had to write why that value was important.

These are the ones I chose:

1. Children
2. Good physical health
3. Good mental health
4. Family stability
5. Close friends 
6. Education
7. Traditions
8. Love

It's interesting having to identify things that are important to me.  Most of you who know me probably could have guessed at least half that list..  And if you're trying to figure out why I'm having to do this, my best guess is that this list, combined with this week's homework of identifying my boundaries and limits, is to help me flesh out behaviors, what I like and don't like.. And focusing more on the positive ones that I value.  Clearly, I'm not the one with this particular degree, so I'm guessing, but it makes sense.

Now what was very amusing about this session was her keying into my sense of humor.  I wear humor like armor.  It protects me, it helps me deal with things, plus, when not faced with something bad, it's just.. well, FUN!

So she was asking me questions, and I was giving my normal answers with a bit of humor, probably a bit of self-deprecating humor, cause why not?  And she was trying very hard to not crack up.  So she finally looked at me very seriously and said...

"Have you ever considered stand up comedy?"


Hahaha... 

Session 2

For today's session, I had to complete homework.  It was actually pretty interesting, but strange at the same time - at least to me.

First, I had to complete a goal sheet.  The goal sheet included things like:

• what I felt my problem was
• what I wanted my end result to be
• how I might get there
• how I might advise someone else to get there
• who might support me in my endeavor
• who or what might hinder my endeavor

I also had to complete a few pages of my family history.  Things like:

• what my childhood was like
• happiest memory (is it bad I couldn't think of one?)
• saddest memory
• relationship with my siblings
• relationship with my parents

It's hard to talk about things like this when there's pain associated with them.  That's why I had to fill it out ahead of time, I think.  So that when I got there, I just had to read my answers.

I got more homework for this week as well.  I didn't read it over much yet, but it had to do with writing about virtues I found important.


The sessions aren't too difficult, for those of you wondering.  I'm not one to talk about myself to someone I don't know well, but clearly by these blog posts, that's something that I'm working on. 

There aren't a ton of people that I let in too closely..  And those of you who get to see what I usually would never dream of sharing with the rest of the world, are able to see beyond the mask that I wear.  When you're used to people hurting you (and I'm speaking emotionally here), you tend to be very guarded.


Anyway, that's today's session.  Next week, we'll finish talking about my childhood and then I'm guessing talk about the virtues and stuff..


Are you thinking of asking for help?  Check with your insurance. You can also see if your company has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP).  Often there are programs there to help that may cost little to nothing, or be free for so long before you pay a copay.  You should look into it.  You can join me on my quest!