I'm going to start out by saying, this is not a game related post.. Its more of a rant and a WTH is wrong with you, society? It is my opinion. It is my strong opinion. The only request I have is that when you're done reading it, that no ones tries to make it political or about gun control, cause if you do, you've missed my point entirely.
That's my disclaimer. And what a way to jump back into my blog!
I was reading the news this morning. It is something I do almost every day. I like to know current events and what is going on in the world outside my own little world. And more often than not, there is some horrible story of violence or death or something that is just simply not okay. But when that story involves kids, it just brings on a whole new meaning and whole different kind of questioning.
Parents out there, WTH?
The first story this morning that I read is this article out of Connecticut. Apparently a boy asked a girl to prom. She said no. So boy stabs girl.
WHAT?
What have we been doing to our kids in today's society. In a world where kids all get trophies and everyone gets a prize, we are teaching our kids to always expect something. It is preventing our kids from learning about disappointment and how to deal with that.
What went through this boy's mind this morning? Could he really not take the disappointment of being rejected by a girl for prom? Even if this was extremely disappointing, what makes him suddenly think that if she won't go with him, he must stab her? I don't understand how the normal is becoming violence in our schools.
Remember when we just had to worry about Violence in the Workplace? Now, we have to worry about our kids going off the handle at school. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about bullying and the effects that it has on kids. I will say, that parents could be helping their children more by talking to them early about how to deal with bullies, about their self-worth and self-confidence and help build our children up properly so that they can't be pulled down by the words or actions of another.
But back to Connecticut, I don't understand why more people don't see this huge disconnect in our society.
I have two kids of my own. As of this post, they are 4 yrs old and 8 yrs old. They are not perfect children. On a good day, they might loosely resemble a perfect child. They are normal, healthy, happy kids. And they are used to disappointment. My kids do have things, but they don't have everything. When they ask for something, they get told "No." A lot. You don't need gadget XYZ, because you have ABC and you should be happy with that gadget you already have because there are kids who have nothing.
Yes, sometimes I sound like my generation's parents.
Both my kids happen to take Karate. They both could go to the tournaments and earn a participation medal for every event that they can participate in... But they don't. Why? Cause they have to earn the right to even GO to the tournament. I don't just say, hey let's go. I say, have you been behaved? Have you picked up your toys? Have you picked up your dirty laundry that you tossed on the floor 2 feet from the laundry basket you have in your room?
I don't have perfect kids, but I do have kids that have manners. They say please and thank you. They ask for things and don't demand them. They understand that when we're in a store and I say "No" it actually means "No."
Its about teaching our kids boundaries and right from wrong and how to deal with life. It is okay to teach your kids that being special to You as their parent. They should believe that you have their back and their best interests at heart. But it is not okay to teach your child that they are so special they should have a pedestal to stand on. Not everyone is going to be the fastest or the strongest or the best reader or the smartest in math or whatever it might be. Kids need to learn early that not everyone is good at everything and that is okay. Instead of getting a medal or trophy for everything they do, they should be spending their time having fun and learning about what THEY are good at and then focusing on that if they wish.
Kids should have to learn that there are winning teams and losing teams. And the losing teams should say "Congratulations" to the winner for coming out on top that day and then practice harder to do better next time. Winning teams should say "Good game!" to the losing team. And they shouldn't gloat and throw it in their faces. They played hard that day and it showed off.. and they should go back to practicing because someone else may come along who is better than they are.
Instead of good sportsmanship these days, we promote making it easy or not keeping score or whatever it takes to not make kids upset. But how are they ever going to grow into teenagers and into adults if they don't understand how life is? I understand wanting to shelter your kids, but how does that help them later in life? What is going to happen when they graduate college and expect that high paying job the moment they get out of school because that's what they were told would happen, and they don't get hired where they want. Maybe they don't get hired at all at first. Maybe that retail job at the mall is necessary so they can pay their bills while they try to get hired on at that dream job?
Wait, sorry.. We're teaching them to stay living at home as long as possible. We'll protect them from that first failure and they can keep living at home with their allowance til they get a job. And then they can probably stay at home, too.
I don't want my kids to leave. But I also understand that at some point, they need to spread their wings and fly. You can't soar if you don't fly.
Let's take this second article for that I stumbled on this morning.. 3 teenagers from PA (15, 15, and 16 yrs of age) decide to go shooting.. They decide its a good idea to shoot onto someone's property at a donkey that just so happens to be the family pet. They think it'll be a good choice to each shoot the donkey 6 times for fun.
What? There's so many breakdowns in this little article that my head spins. Where are the parents? If these boys were taught to shoot as boys, where was the part about instilling in them responsibility or preservation of life or about cruelty in general? This is not a gun issue. This is about parents choosing to teach their children something and not doing so in a responsible and thorough manner. Guns are not about sport in this manner. It is not supposed to be 3 kids who decide for fun to go shooting things that are living and breathing for no reason other than because they can. Hunting is one thing. This was not hunting.
What about the consequences and what could have happened.. They were shooting onto someone's property. What if they missed? What if they shot someone accidentally? What if they hurt someone? Guns are not toys or a pastime for irresponsibility. You want to go shooting? Have your parents take you somewhere safe, a range, the side of a hill, something.. Target practice.. They make targets that don't live and breath and belong to someone. They make these things out of paper, and you can hang it up and shoot at it all you want.
And why did they do this anyway? My guess is one of them will say, "We were bored.."
Parents, this answer is killing me. Maybe not the right choice of words here, but go with it. When have we stopped teaching our kids how to amuse themselves but in a good way. We now spend their childhood arranging all their activities and their play times and play dates and keeping them amused til exhaustion sets in (for us, not them.).
Kids need to learn how to make good and bad choices. They need to learn themselves, YOUNG, and make mistakes and be taught to learn from them before they start to grow up with raging teenage hormones and heads full of bad choices because they want to rebel against their overly-structured lives.
Don't get me wrong. I know kids are going to rebel. And even kids you think are good kids are going to make bad choices. I get that. Again, I do not have perfect kids.
But one thing we can be teaching them young is about Life - not just what we live, but living creatures and the Earth.
We can be teaching them about Property - property belongs to someone, it may not be yours but it does belong to someone. It is not okay to destroy it, wreck it, graffiti on it, knock it over, hit with anything, shoot at it, whatever.
We can teach them be caring people. Help other people. Think of other people, not just themselves.
Help the old guy across the street instead of making fun of him, calling him names or knocking him down. Help Grandma with some chores without being asked.
Offer to help the lady load or unload her groceries from the car.
At one time, this was the norm. In a struggle to be different from the generation before us and swearing off being anything like our parents, we are missing out in teaching our kids valuable life lessons that would help them in life when we're not there to guide them. No, our parents definitely didn't always do it right. Some of us know better than others on that one. But even the generation before them (many of whom are raising their grandchildren), valued life lessons and character over the number trophies that were cluttering the shelves and closets.
My confession for this post? I've been wanting to put all this into words for sometime, but just haven't. I don't want to tell people how to raise their kids... I just wish more people understood the long term effects of the choices we make.
That and in our family we also teach some other things. Our second language is Sarcasm. Our motto is if it isn't Broken, Bleeding, the person isn't dying, and the person isn't throwing up, you're tattling unless there's a point to what you're about to say. There's one meal made at dinner time. Its called Dinner. If you don't like it, make your own version of dinner. If you don't eat, no snacks. Going to bed hungry IS an option.
