Boundaries and Assertiveness

Today's session was about personal boundaries.  My homework was to write things down that I considered boundaries and then answer some questions.

I actually found it really hard to write down what I considered boundaries..

• I don't like when strangers cuss around my kids
• I don't like when people lie to me
• I don't like it when a person feels the need to always place blame when there is none
• I don't like it when people are rude to be rude

In answering the questions, I respect other people's boundaries just fine, if not too well.  I usually hold my opinion or perspective or advice til its asked for, unless I know it would be well received.  Aside from being painfully shy around people I don't know, I don't have issues in social situations with boundaries (that was a question).


But all of this self-discovery led to this week's topic:  Assertiveness.

The trick to being assertive is to be neither Aggressive nor Passive-Aggressive.  To not be afraid to say what you think, what you want.. without being pushy, and without being passive.  To not agree with things when you don't want to.  To not go along with something, when you don't want to..

Assertiveness for me is something I can turn on and off like a switch.  Those of you who know me, know I an be assertive.  I can make myself be heard just like anyone else.  I can be happy and outgoing and all the rest..

But those of you who know me very well, know that I'm not always that person.  I put up with a lot that I shouldn't.  I keep quiet when I should speak up, and I avoid confrontation.  I am the peacekeeper. The calm one.  The passionate one when it comes to others and standing up for what's right, but not always so good at doing the same for myself.

My homework is to go through some of the people in my life, determine which ones I am non-assertive with, and rank how badly the problem is with them, 1-5.   I then have to do the same with non-aggressive behaviors. 

I have a feeling this homework might be a little difficult.